Wasted Stuff

It’s Valentine’s Day today, and while I’d typically be tempted (given my present status) to post something like this:

I decided to take the higher road and read something I posted about a year ago. Proverbs 31 is famous for many reasons—particularly for describing the virtuous wife and setting her against the foolish woman, but also for being the name of a women’s ministry that seeks to create women that look like this through their teaching. However, what is often missed—and I kick myself for it now after reading my post from a year ago—is that Proverbs 31 was written to a man. It was not written to challenge women to be something. It really wasn’t even written to challenge men to search for a certain type of girl. And this post will seek to prove that. Rather, all of Proverbs 31 was written by a king, reflecting on stuff his mother told him, and it is impossible to rightly understand 31:10-31 if we don’t first understand 31:1-9.

It reads, “The words of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him:  What ⌊should I say⌋, my son? What, son of my womb? What, son of my vows?  Don’t spend your energy on women or your efforts on those who destroy kings.  It is not for kings, Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine or for rulers ⌊to desire⌋ beer.  Otherwise, they will drink, forget what is decreed, and pervert justice for all the oppressed.  Give beer to one who is dying and wine to one whose life is bitter.  Let him drink so that he can forget his poverty and remember his trouble no more.  Speak up for those who have no voice, for the justice of all who are dispossessed.  Speak up, judge righteously, and defend the cause of the oppressed and needy.”

Verse 2 has Lemuel’s mother basically asking, “What advice should I give you? What is the wisest thing I can impart to you?” And she concludes, proven throughout the nine verses, with the following outline of topics: “With remarkable conciseness the mother of Lemuel describes the moral requirements of good government. These lessons are, simply put: do not use your authority as a means to debauchery (v. 3), keep your head clear from the stupefying effects of alcohol (vv. 4–7), and use your power to help the powerless (vv. 8–9).”[1] And it is the first one that I want to focus on in this post, since today is one of the most sexualized days in our calendar year.

But then that question flies into my head: “You’re not a king. Are you sure this applies to you?” And part of me wants to say, “You’re right. I don’t have to heed any of this. I can find and flirt with any girl I want.” But then I read the verse by itself and it screams, “Don’t spend your energy on women or your efforts on those who destroy kings.” If it has the power to destroy kings, how much more power does it have to destroy people that aren’t even close to as powerful as kings?

The first thing to determine here is, “What is energy? Is it talking about sex? Or is it talking about something else?” The word is from the Hebrew chayil which most commonly means “army” or “power” or “strength.” In fact, according to one scholar, “The [Greek Old Teestament] translates chayil with [power] 165 times, with [strength] 27 times, and with [mighty] 18 times; they cover the whole semantic range of chayil. There are also cases of interpretative variation, where the [Greek Old Testament] renders chayil as [riches] (9 times) or [army] (3 times).”[2] If we understand the passage solely according to the Greek Translation, we see that the passage explains, “Do not spend your wealth on women.”

And this is huge. Especially in connection with Valentine’s Day. And when you spend $92.62 in the space of two days a year ago—simply to say something that your actions should say every day—only to get dumped like a piece of garbage a month later, the wisdom in this verse is HUGE! (Oh how I hate that I focused too much on the other part of this chapter first.) Proverbs is not the “how to find a wife manual” (see this post), but rather the “how to walk rightly as a believer in this tricky world manual.”

But that’s not all the beginning of Proverbs 31 has to say for itself. It also says, “Don’t spend . . . your efforts on those who destroy kings.” One scholar explains clearly, “Sexual deviation can ‘eradicate’ a dynasty and bring about its end.”[3] King David serves as a sort of proof of this. He lay with Bathsheba, and part of the judgment for his sin was that Yahweh was “going to bring disaster on [him] from [his] own family: I will take your wives and give them to another before your very eyes, and he will sleep with them publicly” (2 Samuel 12:11). That process was started when Amnon, David’s son, raped Tamar, David’s daughter, and David did nothing. Absalom, Tamar’s brother took it upon himself to kill Amnon, and then started an uprising, that—if not for God’s amazing grace—would have left the kingdom in ruin and the dynasty of David in shambles. Sexual deviance is a mess and needs to be stopped.

In addition, the very fact that kings being destroyed is mentioned is huge. What destroys better than death? And what causes death better than disease? And what diseases are on the rise today because of sexual deviance? Lemuel’s mother wanted to protect him from this. She wanted him to have a good, long reign; she wanted him to love one woman all his days (cf. 31:10-31). So she told him not to waste his strength/wealth/sexual energy on women who could potentially help to kill him/at least be his undoing.

If we want to be wise men (or women), we must heed this counsel as well, especially given the day of the year. Let’s not fall for the lies of society. Sex is a gift. It is sacred. Paul said in Ephesians 5:3, “But sexual immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be heard of among you, as is proper for saints.” This means we shouldn’t even talk in a sexual way except with our spouse. And I’ll be the first to say, “While Lemuel—and men—are counseled not to let women destroy them, women are not the only body destroyers. In my personal experience—especially in today’s culture—I think men are much more capable of destroying women than vice-versa (but perhaps it goes both ways and always has).” My point: Women, don’t give your strength to men, your energy to those who destroy queens!”

A passage that has long haunted me is the following,

For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,  unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good,  traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,  holding to the form of godliness but denying its power. Avoid these people!  For among them are those who worm their way into households and capture idle women burdened down with sins, led along by a variety of passions,  always learning and never able to come to a knowledge of the truth (2 Timothy 3:2-7, emphasis added).

Verse 7—in italics—scares me the most. I see in my own heart the seeds of committing this foul atrocity, and while I haven’t actually committed it, I’ve certainly flirted with it on occasions. Which, when studying for this short post today, allowed me to get straight smacked by the following quote,

Give not thy strength unto women, unto strange women. He must not be soft and effeminate, nor spend that time in a vain conversation with the ladies which should be spent in getting knowledge and despatching business, nor employ that wit (which is the strength of the soul) in courting and complimenting them which he should employ about the affairs of his government. "Especially shun all adultery, fornication, and lasciviousness, which waste the strength of the body, and bring into it dangerous diseases.

Give not thy ways, thy affections, thy conversation, to that which destroys kings, which has destroyed many, which gave such a shock to the kingdom even of David himself, in the matter of Uriah. Let the sufferings of others be thy warnings." It lessens the honour of kings and makes them mean. Are those fit to govern others that are themselves slaves to their own lusts? It makes them unfit for business, and fills their court with the basest and worst of animals. Kings lie exposed to temptations of this kind, having wherewith both to please the humours and to bear the charges of the sin, and therefore they ought to double their guard; and, if they would preserve their people from the unclean spirit, they must themselves be patterns of purity.[4]

Matthew Henry, though not the greatest exegete, was certainly a man of God, who often had helpful comments on Scripture of a very practical nature, as that quote hopefully proves. And there’s a reason why Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter speaks to me so strongly. It’s because I see too much Dimmesdale in my heart, in my “training for pastoring” heart. (God, please help me root this garbage out!!!)

In conclusion, I don’t know who’s reading this. Regardless, my prayer is that you would understand sex rightly. If you’ve abused it for the majority of your life—or even just really wanted to—or even just fallen back into a pattern of it recently—or simply taken the first step toward a potential pattern, I want you to know that Jesus is there waiting to forgive you and cleanse you. The physical consequences will probably remain, but the eternal consequences—death apart from God—will be repaired if you give Him your heart and say, “I’m done rebelling against you. Lyrics from my upcoming album will close us out:

Today I stumbled on a metaphor of a rose

All dirty, mangled, wilted and broke

Nobody would want to showcase that trash

But Jesus, You took the weight of God’s wrath

For me—I’m that rose—dirty and broke

And You said, “Come here, I want you to know

That you look to Me like a beautiful lily

And I love you despite your mess and times you act silly”

It doesn’t matter how much bad you’ve done, or how badly you stumble around in the future; if you have trusted Jesus Christ completely, those lyrics speak to you as well. Please trust Him!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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[1] Duane A. Garrett, New American Commentary – Volume 14: Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, (Nashville, TN: Broadman Press, 1993), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 246.

[2] G. Johannes Botterweck and Helmer Ringgren, Theological Dictionary of the Old Testament – Theological Dictionary of the Old Testament: Volume 4, Revised, (Grand Rapids, Michigan: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 09/16/2016), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 349.

[3] G. Johannes Botterweck, Helmer Ringgren, H. J. Fabry, Theological Dictionary of the Old Testament – Theological Dictionary of the Old Testament: Volume 8, Revised, (Grand Rapids, Michigan: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 09/16/2016), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 231.

[4] Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible.