Paul wrote the
following in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35:
I want you to be
without concerns. An unmarried man is concerned about the things of the
Lord—how he may please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the
things of the world—how he may please his wife— and ⌊his
interests⌋ are divided. . . . Now I am
saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but because of
what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.[1]
Okay, Paul. You were totally devoted to the Lord. You
worshiped Him alone. You served Him wholeheartedly. You wanted others to be
just as equally dedicated to Him so that the world could be evangelized quickly
and usher in the second coming of Christ.
I get it. And believe me, I
long for those things too. But I am a foolish young man who wants wisdom. I
want to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord and that elevates Him above
all things. But in the above passage, the phrase “not to put a restraint on
you” looks very good, and I am extremely interested in a certain young lady. In
fact, she knows I’m interested in her, and we have been in an “official” dating
relationship for the past two months.
So here’s my conundrum: I
want to keep God first, but too often I find myself extolling her too much in
my mind. Paul was certainly right when he said I’ll have troubles in this life
(cf. 1 Corinthians 7:28), and I’m not even married yet. So, in my search for
wisdom regarding relationships I turned to the book of Proverbs. Chapter 31
describes the type of woman I pray that I will end up with, and the girl I’m
dating definitely showcases many of the traits found in that awesome poem, but
then the phrase at the end strikes me weirdly: “a woman who fears the Lord will
be praised.”[2]
This made me curious, so I
check to see what Hebrew word is translated “praise,” hoping the writer
differentiated this type of praise from the praise due to God alone (our
English “hallelujah” is really a Hebrew compound word meaning “praise Yahweh”).
And sure enough, my hopes are dashed. The Hebrew root describing the praise due
to a Yahweh-fearing woman is הלל (halal).
This throws a monkey wrench
into my thinking. I don’t want the word commanding me to praise God and praise
a godly woman to be the same. I was hoping it would be a case of praise vs.
respect or praise vs. honor or worship vs. praise. So, I decide to turn to the
earliest translation of the Hebrew text: the Greek Septuagint (LXX). It does no
better for me; αινεω (aineō) is also used throughout to refer to praising
God.
God doesn’t want me to
praise a godly woman the same way I praise Him, does He? I don’t at all want to
be guilty of idolatry in a relationship. I don’t want my interests to be
divided; I want to be completely dedicated to Jesus Christ. My heart is much
too fickle as it is; I really wish that God would have helped me out a little
here. How am I ever supposed to follow Paul’s advice in 1 Corinthians 7 if
after I get married I am to praise my wife the same way I praise Yahweh? There
has to be a divinely inspired reason for making the words the same. One scholar
describes the meaning of the word as follows: “This root connotes being
sincerely and deeply thankful for and/or satisfied in lauding a superior
quality(ies) or great, great act(s) of the object.”[3]
So thankfulness and
satisfaction are to be found because of a Yahweh-fearing woman? I thought
thankfulness and satisfaction were ultimately to be found in Yahweh alone. And
then it gets even stickier. One word study explains that the root for the
Hebrew “praise” comes from the Arabic language and means “sing joyfully to
someone.”[4] So the best way to show
praise is to sing to the object. I guess that explains why “hallelujah” occurs
so often in the book of Psalms—the hymnbook of Israel. It also explains why
“love songs” are so popular these days.
However, there is an
important line to draw at this point. For the man or woman who fears Yahweh,
Proverbs 31:30 describes the material that should be present in such “love
songs.” That verse reads, “Charm is deceptive
and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD will be praised.” Worldly
“love songs” are all about external beauty, sexuality, and the like; the
Christian husband (of whom I am not yet one, but hopefully someday) should
praise his wife for something more permanent, namely the fact that she fears
God. One commentator explains, “A beautiful woman may enjoy admiration and
compliments for the moment, but the one who will really be praised is
she who fears the Lord.”[5] Not to say that the fear of
the Lord in her is what is to be praised,[6] but rather that if a woman
really fears Yahweh, there will be no end of things in her person, character,
and appearance for which her husband can praise her.
The fear of Yahweh is key in
the discussion, because in the book of Proverbs fear of Yahweh is the litmus
test for everything. Proverbs 1:7 makes the fear of Yahweh the beginning of
wisdom. Proverbs 8:13 makes the fear of Yahweh the hatred of evil. Proverbs
19:23 makes the fear of Yahweh what grants a peaceful life (which can be
understood in light of the Gospel of John’s eternal life theology). In Proverbs
8, wisdom speaks as if she was a woman, and explains that she is more valuable
than precious metals (8:10-11) which is coincidentally parallel to the phrase
in 31:10. I’ve joked (though I’m not sure how much of a joke it is) that the
book of Proverbs is a “how to find a wife manual,” but at the very least it
gives evidence to the fact that a godly wife is invaluable in life for the
Christian man. If she fears Yahweh, she has at least a seed of wisdom (that can
and should be nurtured and grown), she has a hatred of evil (at least minimal
that can and should grow), and she is living her life in the light of the fact
that she has eternal life through Christ. These are all reasons for a believing
husband to praise his wife. “All that she does for her household affords her
husband the financial stability and social status that a responsible husband
desires for himself, his children—and his wife.”[7] This basically means that
if she has the qualities resulting from the fear of Yahweh, her husband should
possess them too, and together they can sharpen each other in them (cf.
Proverbs 27:17).
But with all that
information, I’m still officially single as far as Proverbs 31 is concerned.
How much am I able to praise the godly woman that God has placed in my life
during this chapter of our relationship? It is very interesting that the word
in verse 10 translated “wife” is the same word in verse 30 translated “woman,”
so I could try to make a case that verse 10 is translated wrong, and that any
Yahweh-fearing woman deserves to be praised, which isn’t necessarily a bad view
to hold (all Yahweh-fearing people need to be encouraged in their faith [cf.
Hebrews 10:24-25]). However, by verse 30, the context has made it clear that it
is speaking of a wife, and since the Hebrew there is identical to that in verse
10, it should be translated “a wife who fears the Lord will be praised.” So I can’t yet do this.
But then I look into how
this passage has been understood historically and try to find a way out, a way
to apply Proverbs 31:30 in a dating relationship (I mean, if all
Scripture is useful for different things like Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 3:16,
then this passage should be no different). Fox explains that most
“[c]ommentators agree that, at least on the surface, an actual human woman is
being described,” (which doesn’t help my case right now, but he goes on).
“Some, however, add a further, allegorical, level of meaning and consider that
as conveying the poem’s most significant message.”[8] Maybe I can apply this
passage to my relationship allegorically. I learn that Jewish scholars
allegorized this text to be able to refer to men as well as women, which
probably paved the way for Augustine to understand it in its most influential
allegorical understanding: the church.[9] This is helpful for me. If
she belongs to the church, just like I belong to the church, then I can praise
her as my sister-in-Christ all the time. I can drive her crazy with my praise
for her. But then the following two thoughts strike: 1) Are you going to praise
all your sisters-in-Christ that way? and 2) if it’s allegorical, then God is
the husband who is praising His church. Bang goes that theory!
So I’m back to square one. I
think the world of a certain girl, but how do I show that to her in an
appropriate way at this stage of our relationship? From all that I can see
right now, I can’t do this. And then I see this: “The Woman of Strength
[literal translation of ‘capable wife’ in 31:10] has her negative counterpart
in the Strange Woman, also a type figure.”[10] And elsewhere, I find
this:
The young man has no choice
but to follow one woman or the other. He will either pursue Woman Wisdom or
Woman Folly, and with them he will take their counterparts, the good wife
or the prostitute/quarrelsome wife. He cannot attain wisdom without the good
wife because she creates the environment in which he can flourish. If he
chooses an evil woman, he has little hope of transcending the context she will
make for him.[11]
It’s the italicized section
that gave me my application. The greatest way I can praise a godly woman who
I’m dating is by not being lured away by another. If I get lured away by the
Strange Woman in a dating relationship, what’s to assure me either 1) that I
won’t be lured away in a married relationship? or 2) that I will even end up
married to a wise woman? The answer for both of these is NOTHING. As such, I
can praise the woman God has given me right now by building her up in Christ
as I remind her of His promises, by pointing out qualities in her that I
admire, by telling her she is beautiful on occasion (because every
girl needs to hear it sometimes), and by fighting all sin patterns in me
that would lead her to conclude that I am not worthy of a Proverbs 31 woman
(which if she was still with me would necessarily lead her to doubt her own
status as a Proverbs 31 woman).
But then I feel like it’s
too late. I feel like I’ve done too much wrong to ever deserve the virtuous
wife described in Proverbs 31. I feel like I deserve more of the type of woman
described in Proverbs 7 and warned against throughout the book. And then God
reminds me, “Look at the girl I’ve placed in your life right now. She’s nowhere
near the Proverbs 7 type; she’s well on her way to emulating the Proverbs 31
type. Be grateful. Stand up and be a man for her. Stop moping! Christ died for
you! I’ve forgiven you. You’re loved.” I know it’s true, and if you ever feel
the same way that I find myself feeling on occasion, it can be true for you too
(and maybe already is). As soon as you turn to Christ in faith, He will turn
your life around, and the statements there will be true of you too. Forgiven.
Loved. Until you know the love of Christ, you can never love another human
properly.
I conclude with a quote
aimed at married men, but the additional understanding I add in [brackets] are
to explain it and apply to us dating guys as well.
[H]ere is a basic
principle for us men: If we don't get radical, nothing will ever change. Christ
got radical for you at the cross, and it changed everything forever. And he put
you with your wife [girlfriend] because he loves her. He put you with her as a
mighty blessing to her. So get radical, start changing, begin a new tradition
in your home [relationship][12],
starting today. If you step out in new obedience, the Lord will help you. And
your family [future family] will rejoice over you.[13]
How will you get radical for your
wife / future wife? Christ has the grace to help you. All you have to do is ask
Him to help you accomplish whatever it is He is calling you to do. For your
wife—for your future wife—: praise her! I certainly plan on doing it by reminding
her of the Gospel, by pointing out her good traits, by telling her she is
beautiful, and by fighting sin in myself. How will you praise the one God has
placed in your life?
[1] Unless otherwise noted,
all scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible,
© 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission.
[2] Emphasis
added.
[3] R.
Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer, Bruce K. Waltke, ed., “500: הָלַל,” in Theological Wordbook of the Old
Testament, (Chicago: Moody Press, 1980), WORDsearch CROSS e-book,
217.
[4] H. Cazelles, “llh,”
In Theological Dictionary of the Old Testament, vol. 3, edited by G.
Johannes Botterweck & Helmer Ringgren (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans
Publishing Company, 1997), 404.
[5] Michael V. Fox, Proverbs
10-31, Anchor Bible Commentary (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2009),
898. Emphasis in original.
[6] Contra Roland E. Murphy, Proverbs,
Word Biblical Commentary (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1998), 244.
[7] Michael V. Fox, Proverbs
10-31, Anchor Bible Commentary, 917
[8] Ibid., 905
[9] Ibid., 906-907.
[10] Ibid., 911.
[11] Duane A. Garrett, Proverbs, New
American Commentary (Nashville, TN: Broadman Press, 1993), 252. Emphasis
mine.
[12] This can be done
according to the bolded statements two paragraphs prior.
[13] Raymond C. Ortlund Jr., Preaching
the Word – Proverbs: Wisdom that Works, ed. R. Kent Hughes, (Wheaton, IL:
Crossway Books, 2012), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 152.
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