So a coworker made a comment a few weeks back that has stuck with me to this moment. I've finally decided it's worth it to write down. Here's the comment: "He's got a reputation." Here's the background: it was said about a guy who I'd consider to be a relatively good friend. Now, I emphasize "relatively" because he isn't a super close friend, but it still got me thinking. I've always gotten along better with people who don't have everything together.
Several examples will suffice. My best friend growing up was always getting into trouble. I was always getting into trouble with him. At church, at school, at our houses, wherever he went we got into some sort of trouble. Then, he really ended up with a reputation when he went to juvenile hall halfway through sophomore year of high school. When released a month later, he let jail run his life and the reputation became, "I'm bad. I do drugs. I am a criminal. I'm not at all a good kid." I was still drawn to him, though I didn't want to end up where he'd ended up, and even though I never see him anymore, and rarely speak 5 words to him in a month, I have a 19 year long sense of commitment to my friend.
My current best friend is different. He has the same name as the prior, but those that know him best know that he doesn't have it all put together. He's got stuff he deals with and fights, and those that know him could judge him for it. But he's also given his life over entirely to Christ (unlike the previous), so he's confident in his standing there because Christ became sin for him.
And then there's me. I deal with everything it seems like. From anger and depression to lust and pride, it's all there. But the good news is this, and it's the point of this post: "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners" (Jesus in Mark 2:17, NIV). I get along best with people like me, who are jacked up and know they need help, and even those who don't know they need help. My knowledge of my need for help enables me to reach out in compassion to people like my childhood best friend who are lost and wandering in this world apart from Christ.
And then we come to the topic of girls. Before knowing Christ I was greatly drawn to those who had a reputation. I may have never acted on that knowledge or dated any who had a reputation, but I really didn't want anyone's input on my girlfriend choices. I was free to choose who I wanted. Even post-salvation I was in this same place. Finally, I decided I was sick of failed relationships and sick of hiding who I was talking to from my parents, so I decided to pursue a girl I knew they would approve of, who had a really squeaky clean reputation. She ultimately decided she wanted nothing to do with me (after about 2 years). Then I moved to Bolivar, Missouri for school, and pursued several girls who didn't pan out at all. Then, I decided to attempt another one with a really really good reputation known to everyone. I thought to myself, "There's no way this could go wrong."
Wrong. And don't get me wrong, she's still great. Whoever marries her one day is going to be very lucky (though not as lucky as I will be when I marry the woman who's out there for me). Let's just say that I had too many problems for her. It reminds me of my situation with my "near perfect" roommate this past summer. When you're a struggling, sinful wretch fighting to stay afloat, and those closest to you can't seem to figure out why it's so hard because they've "got everything together," it becomes too easy for them to blame you for the problems with the friendship.
My point is this. Jesus came for those who are sick. He came for me. I am more relatable to those who admit their sinfulness than I am to those who act like they're almost perfect. I wrote a song several years ago that contains the following lyrics:
"I'm praying for you, what I mean is this
I pray for people that I miss and right now that's you
You and only you though I doubt we've even met
Though one day we will, God already has the date set
I'm praying for you that you save yourself for me
Though if you once made a mistake don't worry about it--you see
God loved you first and forgave all your crimes
So since I truly love you too, I'll do the same and call you mine."
I'll just be honest. I'd rather marry a girl who's made many mistakes in her life, and who still feels the weight of them, but knows in her best moments that she's been forgiven and made new by Christ, then a girl who acts like all is well and pretends to be more spiritually mature than she actually is. Being real is very important to me. I try to be real with everyone I come in contact with. I don't try to put on a show to make others like me. And now that I'm coming out of a relationship, I have zero reason to put on a show for others. I have no one to impress but Jesus.
Jesus showed grace to people. Jesus forgave rapists, child molesters, thieves, homosexuals, heterosexuals, porn addicts, drug addicts, murderers, liars, parent-dishonorers, and much more. If I truly love the girl I'm going to marry one day, I say, "Bring on a negative reputation. Jesus loved you enough to forgive you. Who am I to not?" There is nothing she could have done before or after meeting Christ that is too bad for me to forgive. Jesus said in Luke 7:47, "Her many sins have been forgiven--as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little."
My prayer is that I would daily love everyone I come in contact with with the type of love that says, "I've been forgiven much!"
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