I sat alone— besides my laptop and an iced coffee— at the Starbucks I often frequented in between college classes. It was the first Valentine’s Day I’d spent alone in three years. Well actually, depending on how one looks at it, it was the third— I was alone the year before, though “in a relationship” with a girl who lived in another state; and I was alone two years ago though I had a serious crush on a girl who liked me back.
Valentine’s Day has always been a lonely event for me. You see I’ve only ever been in one legitimate relationship before. And that only lasting from the beginning of September until Columbus Day the next month. It was nice to know someone cared. But at the same time, after it ends, you question the truth of everything they said to you. If you truly loved me, why would break up with me like it’s no big deal?
But, to get away from that episode, I’m not bitter. Me and her are still good friends. I guess I got lucky— most people I talk to say that they can’t stand their exes. For me on the other hand, she is like a sister.
So, to get back to Starbucks, I was sitting at the table trying to figure out my life.
What to do after this semester of college— work for a year or start working on my bachelor’s degree? I knew what I wanted to do for my master’s degree, but besides that I was clueless. Writing was what I enjoyed the most— I wrote during ninety percent of my free time— but I wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted to do for a living. Writers don’t make much cash and I need enough to one day be able to support a family. I don’t need more than that— because too much money takes my eyes off what is truly important. Off of what my master’s degree study was going to be— seminary study to be a pastor one day.
That was the only thing I even cared about at all. Glorifying God through my life and my words— written or spoken, book or sermon— was my goal. Maybe one day I would find a wife to share this venture with me, but until then I knew what I needed to do. School. Study. And pray.
Prayer. It’s one of those words that brings back memories of “unanswered” chants up to the sky. You see from age two I have had a very physically weak left side of my body. From a stroke. And, from age seven until probably fourteen, I would pray religiously for God to heal my hand. And, it never happened. NEVER.
The truth is that it was answered. God said “No” because He knew that it wasn’t the best thing for me, and all He wants for me is the best. His definition of best is a lot different than ours.
So, when I say school, study, and pray are what I knew I needed to do, I mean just that. By school, I need to finish my bachelor degree so I can move on to my masters. By study, I mean that I need to stay in the Word of God so I can better prepare myself for life. And by pray, I mean that I constantly need to tap into the free access I have to God and pray for His will. Prayer is the hardest one and I think I should listen to my pastor’s series on the disciple’s prayer every other month. I need to pray for will for education, will for life, and will for future wife. I mean, honestly I know what and who I’m looking for— the only thing I’m missing is a name.
Which again, takes me back to Starbucks. The door of the establishment opened and two lovebirds came in— in each other’s arms. If only I had someone, I thought for a second. Then a voice in my head spoke up, One day you will. Don’t sweat it right now. God’s plan is better than yours. That comforted me a lot.
You probably are curious about who and what I’m looking for. Well it’s very simple. The main thing is that she needs to love God more than anything— even me. If she can love God that much then her priorities are straight and life together will run smoother. She needs to love the lost people of the world just as much or more than I do. Not just caring for the poor and needy physically and economically; but spiritually as well— if not more so. And then third on the list would be that she would like writing/reading just as much as me.
It’s what I pray for every day I think about her.
Thus my thoughts went— the whole time I was at my favorite coffee shop.
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